A step by step guide to wooden spoon carving [for Small Audio Art]

Today, I’m going to show you how to carve a wooden spoon. Everyone can, and should carve a wooden spoon.
This step-by-step guide will teach you how to get started and, hopefully, will answer some of the basic questions, but remember that this is just a guide and that I am by no means an expert or a qualified teacher.
Spoon carving is a hobby that gives satisfaction and also makes for a great icebreaker when you mentioned it casually it conversation.
It is easy to pick up, and once you’ve mastered the basics, you will discover that it is also the perfect tool to stay busy during the most awkward situations.
For example, you can carve while you are alone at the restaurant and you are waiting for your food to arrive, spoon carving might result more reliable than your dating life.
Spoon carving is also handy when you are with a group of friends in a pub, but you don’t understand what they are saying because they all know each other from way before you arrived in the country, and they talk about people and situations that you don’t know.
And English is not your first language.
And it’s very noisy in the pub.
And you are sitting alone in a corner, away from the conversation.
See? You might find spoon carving quite healing.
Now, you’re probably wondering: what do I need to get started? First, grab a piece of wood—30 to 50 cm, depending on your ambitions.
Once you have your wood, draw a very rough outline of the spoon. You don’t need to include too many details; you are just doing an outline. If you want, you can also draw the profile of the spoon on the side of the wood, but you don’t have to.

Now, what shape, you might ask!
There are endless designs for wooden spoons, if you make a quick search on the internet, you will get zillions of designs, things can get pretty crazy in the world of wooden spoos!
Did I mention that hand-carved spoons make excellent gifts for your mum?
Mine used to have a wooden spoon for every sauce and every dish – and mixing them up was a capital sin punished with her famous “silent treatment”.
My Mum… I lost her last year.
I mean, she’s not dead. She left me, moved to Canada, ghosted me, stopped answering my calls, and she doesn’t want to give me her new phone number.
I’m here stuck with her apartment, I’ll have to decide what to do with all her stuff! Her kitchen is still full of wooden spoons. Something more to worry about.
Where was I? Yes—how to begin.
Before starting, decide how big you want the spoon to be, what kind of spoon head, also, should it fit inside your mouth? And what do you want to use it for? Soup? Salad? Nibbling? Scooping? Hitting someone on the head?
You see? I bet you never thought that the world of wooden spoons was so fascinating and full of nuances!
Once you have your wood and a rough idea of the design, you will need something to carve it with, like a carving knife.
Choose a sharp knife, make sure it has a thin blade and a comfortable knife, this will help you make precise cuts, and you will be able to manage different bodies, of wood.
Well, now to start I suggest finding a nice spot where you can disappear from other people’s view.
You don’t want to be distracted by questions like, “What are you doing?” or, “Is it a spoon?” No! It’s a helicopter! (yeah, maybe I am a bit cranky with people sometimes, especially children, but their questions can be really annoying!)
When you are carving, stay mindful of your surroundings—note the people around you and, crucially, those who notice you.
They might come in handy as witnesses if you’re ever questioned by the police.
And, speaking of being questioned by the police, start talking about your spoon-carving obsession to everyone, as soon as you can. You want people to remember you as the freak obsessed with spoon carving, so that when the police asks why are you carrying a carving knife, you come across as weird, not suspicious.
What if you’re too scared to carve because you are worried about cutting your fingers? Fair enough. It could happen if you’re careless. Well, in that case, just buy a wooden spoon and pretend to carve it. No judgment. Oh, and if you’re in the market for some spoons, let me know—I’ve got a few to spare.